Do you have a child who feels everything deeply—someone who’s fiercely loyal and passionate, but whose anger can sometimes feel overwhelming? Parenting an intense-feeling child can be both rewarding and challenging. Their big emotions reflect their deep care for the world around them, but it’s not always easy for them to manage those feelings, especially at a young age.
Below a few strategies on how you can better understand your child’s emotions, guide them with compassion, and teach them healthier ways to express and manage their feelings:
Understanding big emotions
Children with intense emotions aren’t being “difficult” or “naughty.” Their brains are still developing, and they need your help to regulate their feelings.
Anger as a protective emotion: Anger is often a response to perceived injustice or frustration. It can be triggered by unfairness or when something they care about is threatened.
The energy behind anger: Anger generates physical and emotional energy. Without healthy outlets, this energy can come out as outbursts, shouting, stomping, or even tears.
It’s important to recognise that anger, like all emotions, serves a purpose. It’s not “bad.” Your child just needs help channeling it constructively.
How to respond with empathy
Acknowledge their feelings: Start by letting your child know you see and understand their emotions.
“I can see you’re really upset because something feels unfair.”
“You might be feeling angry because you care a lot about this, and that’s okay.”
Name the emotion to tame it: Research shows that naming an emotion—like saying, “I’m feeling frustrated”—helps calm the brain’s emotional center (the amygdala) and brings distance between the actual emotion and the person. Teach your child to label their feelings:
“Are you feeling angry, frustrated, or both?”
“It sounds like you’re feeling upset because of what happened earlier.”
When we name our feelings, we can start to understand them, which makes it easier to move forward.
Healthy outlets for anger
Big emotions like anger come with lots of energy, and that energy needs to go somewhere. Teach your child safe and constructive ways to let it out:
Physical outlets:
Jump on a trampoline or do star jumps.
Punch a pillow or use a soft punch bag.
Go for a run, dance, or stretch.
Creative outlets:
Draw or paint what their anger feels like inside.
Write a “mad letter” to express what upset them (they don’t have to send it).
Use play-dough or kinetic sand to work through frustration with their hands.
Calming techniques:Once their initial anger cools, teach strategies to help them fully calm down:
Breathing: Imagine blowing up a balloon by breathing in deeply and blowing out slowly. Or smell Roses through your nose and blow out candles.
Grounding exercises (5, 4, 3, 2, 1): Focus on the present using their senses. For example, “What are 5 things you can see right now? 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can smell, 2 things you can feel, 1 thing you can taste?"
Calm box: Create a special box filled with soothing items, like a stress ball, soft toy, a favourite book, or sensory tools.
Setting boundaries with kindness
While it’s important to validate emotions, children also need boundaries for how those emotions are expressed.
Make it clear: “It’s okay to feel angry, but it’s not okay to shout at your sister. Let’s find another way to show how you’re feeling.”
Model healthy regulation: Let your child see you managing your emotions. For example, “I’m feeling frustrated, so I’m going to take some deep breaths before we talk about this.”
Building emotional skills
In addition to managing big emotions in the moment, you can help your child develop long-term emotional intelligence:
Use the RULER framework*:
Recognise: “What are you feeling right now?”
Understand: “Why do you think you feel this way?”
Label: “What would you call that feeling (e.g., frustration or disappointment)?”
Express: “How can we show this feeling in a safe way?”
Regulate: “What can we do to calm down and feel better?”
(*inspired by Dr Marc Brackett, lead developer of RULER, an evidence-based approach to social and emotional learning (SEL) developed at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence).
Focus on repair: If anger has led to hurt feelings or damaged relationships, teach your child how to repair them:
Encourage apologies: “I’m sorry I shouted—I was feeling upset.” (again great to model the same behaviour when we, as parents, make mistakes).
Discuss solutions: “How can we make it better for next time?”
What to say in the moment
When your child is overwhelmed by anger, here are some simple and effective things you can say:
“It’s okay to feel angry, but let’s figure out a way to let it out safely.”
“You’re upset because you care so much about this, and that’s a good thing. Let’s talk about how to handle it.”
“Big feelings can be hard, but I’m here to help you through it.”
“What’s one thing we could do right now to help you calm down?”
Your role as a parent
Your child’s big feelings are part of what makes them special—they care deeply, feel passionately, and are learning how to navigate the world. By guiding them with compassion, patience, and structure, you’re helping them turn these big emotions into powerful strengths. It’s not about eliminating anger or intensity; it’s about teaching them to understand and use their feelings in a way that helps them grow.
Every time you help your child process their emotions, you’re building their confidence, resilience, and emotional intelligence. With time, they’ll learn to handle their feelings with the same loyalty and passion that makes them so unique.
Parenting an intense-feeling child is a journey, but it’s one filled with opportunities to nurture their incredible potential. With empathy, the right tools, and your unwavering support, your child can thrive.
コメント